June 2009
1 post
May 2009
8 posts
He started with “I not Turner, I Penguin.” Then he was “Bird”, then “Boots the monkey” and then “I NUFFING. YOU JUST CALL ME NUFFING”. And so it’s gone for the past month or so. Today, he woke up from a nap and informed me that he no longer wants to be called Rooster. Now he is Mr. Reynolds. With the focus on the MISTER as in “show a...
Social Contracts
He struck up a conversation on facebook tonight. He has a 3 year old son and is about to finish medical school. He asked how I’ve been. I offered the obligatory gushing about his son’s beauty. Said it was good to talk to him and congratulated him on med school. He again asks, “how about you?”
How about me indeed? We really aren’t close enough now for me to have a...
Car Talk
M: Turner you just paved your own road to hell.
T: Stupid farmer!
M: (throws Japanese candy at his brother)
(screaming, apparent flicking, malicious giggles, threats from the driver’s seat about what happens to little trouble mongers who don’t behave in the car)
T: So what? you are a stupid elephant.
M: (in an alarmingly rapid and singsongy voice) Elephants don’t wear...
Cult
1. He spent the entire day yesterday teaching the first grade class about the “astrologically true and accurate time of seder”.
2. During his “lesson”, he warned the children about the evils of eating pork. In detail. Meaning that he described both the specific evils of pork consumption and the specific meats that are classified as pork.
3. He became tearful during recess...
My brother
Arguing with him is like wrestling jello. Except if you are thinking about bitch-slapping the jell-o the whole time. So in essence, I guess arguing with him is like trying to bitch-slap jell-o. Or maybe I just really want to bitch-slap him. A lot.
Jesus is my facebook friend
A situation best expressed through the following text conversation.
Me: Jesus friended me on Facebook today. Do you know anything about this?
Dennick: Yes…he and i had lunch the other day….and i mentioned you needed a savior.
Me: So my bank balance is still negative 7 dollars, but he friends me on Facebook? This is exactly how people lose faith.
Me: Don’t tell him I said that...